Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Who Am I? Y'all Don't Want to Know (but if you do, read this.)

There's a snazzy little blogger questionnaire going around, and I've been subpoenaed to fill it out. I sincerely apologize in advance for that.

Who Are You?

1. Where were you born? 

I can actually go a little farther back than that. I can tell you where I was conceived, which was in the upper apartment of a very sleazy little hole in the wall bar close to my now-home. Classy, eh?  I was born where Phil the Groundhog lives, and have lived semi locally almost my entire life, except for a few brief years in Florida and Tennessee.
 
2. Were you named after someone? 
My name is Ashlee....which is a pretty common name, but it has a little twist to it. the Lee in my name is actually my father's middle name, and MY middle name is Jaed, (I know it's spelled differently) because my mother's middle name is Jae.  There ya go. Kinda lame.

3. How many children do you have?
I have three hilarious children. A 10 year old boy, who is the protector of the younger two, the family clown, and strangely, the biggest wimp ever. A 5 year old boy, who is my sensitive one. He's very emotional and easily hurt, loves to cuddle his momma, and drive his sister INSANE. Which brings me to my 3 year old diva. She's the MOTHERTRUCKING PRINCESS, and no one will tell her differently. The ultimate girly girl, she won't wear anything if it isn't pink or ruffly, insists on always having her nails and hair done, and hates getting dirty.




4. How many Pets?
We have one dog, Rylee, otherwise known as Geriatric Dog. She recently won her battle for territory by scaring away the Doberman I brought home, the old bitch is crazy. She is a beagle-lab mix, which technically means she's short and long, smells like a dead animal and sheds everywhere. We rescued her about 5 years ago from a shelter, where they informed us that she was maybe 7 years old......we are guessing that she was probably about 10 or 11. She's ANCIENT now.


 5. What's the worst injury you ever sustained?
 I've never actually sustained many injuries, so I'm gonna have to go with the three times my stomach was cut open to remove small screaming people.

6. Do you have any special talents?
Besides guzzling wine and yelling at my kids? I make people laugh. Even when I'm not trying to. I lack that special filter we have installed in our brains that makes sure you don't say inappropriate things. It all just falls out of my mouth before I can stop it.

7. Favorite thing to bake?
This is a tough one, because I LOVE baking. Just call me Susie Home maker. Probably Pumpkin rolls, because not only are they easy, they are DAMN delicious and I can eat a whole one in one sitting. Nom nom nom.

8. Favorite food?
This makes me lame, and kind of a fatty. Great Value brand self rising supreme pizza. There. I said it. BEST. PIZZA. EVER.

 9. Would you bungee jump?
Um, NO. Nope. No way. Never. I have visions of being a multicolored splatter on the bottom even thinking about it.


 10. What is the first thing you notice about people?
If it's in real life, it's their eyes. I'm a firm believer that eyes are the window to the soul, so I look for hell fire (that means they would automatically be my bestest buddy.). On facebook? Their profile picture. Says a lot about a person. Mine says, "I"M PRETTY, LOOK AT ME".


11. When was the last time you cried?
I'm a big softy....I cry all the time. I do believe the last time I cried was about an hour ago, watching Castle, because Alexis got kidnapped. Don't judge.

12. Any current worries?
Worry should be my middle name. I have enough worries to fill an ocean. BUT.....I'm not telling you because it's my business. Stop being so nosy.

13. Name 3 drinks you drink regularly.
COFFEE, either Hazelnut or Columbian, gotta have French Vanilla creamer to go with it.
TEA, sweet and cold. I'm a southern girl at heart.
ALCOHOL, either beer or wine. I don't do the hard stuff, because I want to kill people and my clothes fall off.

14. What's your favorite book?
Lord how can this question even exist?  Back Roads by Tawni O Dell (it's actually a local book, very good though, was on Oprah's Book Club). Or anything by Wally Lamb.

15. Would you like to be a pirate?
When I think about it for a brief second, it sounds fun and exciting. If I give it more than 10 seconds thought, I like to shower, and I don't want scurvy.

16. Favorite smells?
Coffee brewing, the damp smell after the rain, my daughters hair, the laundry detergent I use for my bed clothes,  my boyfriend's body wash

17. Why do you blog?

I need a place to let out my crazy, where people can enjoy it from a distance, but not see me as a train wreck up close.
18. What song do you want played at your funeral?
Fastest Girl in Town by Miranda Lambert. Or anything by her. She rocks my socks off. Crazy bitch.
19. What is your favorite thing about yourself?
My ass. It's FANTASTIC. I don't do anything special to it, but seriously....it brings all the boys to the yard.
20. Favorite hobby?
More like addiction.....My page, SarcasMom. It makes me super happy to make people laugh or think or say.....WTF.
21. Name something you've done, you never thought you would do?
Get married. Twice now I've made this mistake, and I say to myself....I'm NEVER getting married. Well, obviously I don't listen to myself. SO.....I'm gonna tell myself to get married this time, see if a little reverse psychology can't kick this habit.
22. What do you look for in a friend?
A sense of humor, and the ability to tolerate mine. I'm not an easy person to get along with, most people get offended by the things I say. My friends are few and far between, but the ones I have GET me.
23. Favorite fun things to do?
Anything with my kids (obviously), I love playing pretend with my daughter, or killing my kids on Xbox. When they aren't home, I enjoy going to the man friend's house, usually snuggling up and watching a movie, or driving around letting him brag about his city (State College, he's PSU alumni). When I'm REALLY feeling frisky, I love horseback riding and 4 wheelers. Getting muddy is fun.

24. Pet Peeves? 
When people leave used paper towels in the kitchen, laying around all over the ever loving place. Kids when they refuse to blow their nose and just snort all those nasty snots back up into their brain. Commercials on television, if it's not on DVR, I'm not watching it. 
25. What's the last thing that made you laugh? My man friend, because I accidentally texted Lola (instead of lol) and he came back singing that stupid show girl song that has now been stuck in my head all day.

So there you have it. I'm pretty boring. 

Okay, now I'm supposed to list a few bloggers who should ALSO do this survey. 

Sarcastic Nanny
Minivans, Meltdowns and Merlot
My Children Think I'm Perfect

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